大批人群聚集在外面等待新娘的出现 Throngs of people outside still waiting for the bride to appear.
她不在里面 我可以感觉得到 She's not in there. I can feel it.
从现在起 她随时可能离开酒店 Any moment now, she should be leaving the hotel.
我高估她了 我以为她会更低调一点的 I overestimated her. I thought she'd be more elusive.
-我不明白发生了什么? -这是怎么回事? -I don't understand what's happening. -What is going on here?
我觉得 他们不想让我们知道哪个是真的新娘 I don't think they want us to know which one the real bride is.
Lara Tyler 登顶最热辣影星排行榜
Lara陷入爱河?
真命天子 - 作家James Arber?
'离我们远点' Lara叫媒体滚开
街上都是新娘 天上都是新娘 The streets are full of brides, the skies are full of brides,
媒体们都晕头转向了 the press doesn't know which way is up.
我真是个天才 还是没有Marco Ballani的消息吗? -'m a genius. Still no sign of Marco Ballani?
没有 None.
据可靠消息说他去滑雪了 Our intelligence says he's gone skiing.
滑雪 现在这个时候? Gone skiing. Now?
那就好 Then we're good.
喂? Hello?
你! 你在里面干什么呢? You! What the hell are you doing in there?
我是婚礼摄像师 I am the wedding photographer.
高的人站后面拍张照行吗? Can I have the tall people at the back?
-好了 老兄 别玩了 -你在里面呆了多久了? -OK, buster, fun's over. -How long have you been in there?
哦 我 的 天 这可不是汽水吧? Oh, my God. This is not soda.
我要杀了你! I'm gonna kill you!
你这样会毁了我的生活的 You are ruining my life!
我已经毁掉好多人的生活了 I've ruined plenty of lives.
你没什么特别的 You're nothing special.
你个脓包! You abscess!
等我结婚的时候 你甚至不会知道我在那个大洲上 When I do get married, you will not even know what continent I'm on!
Marco Ballani 你真是个摇钱树! Marco Ballani, you golden Roman god!
我不会被那个男人搞的破坏打败的 I will not be defeated by that disease of a man.
我们得要完全的消失 We're gonna have to disappear completely.
我们可以去外太空结婚 We can get married in outer space.
或者是失落的亚特兰蒂斯水下王国? Or the lost underwater kingdom of Atlantis?
[Doctor本质无疑]
外太空? 我觉得你暂时还做不到 Outer space? I don't think you can yet.
是你的可靠消息告诉你的吗? Is that what your intelligence tells you?
我们得去个很远很远的地方才行 We're gonna have to go somewhere crazy remote.
《今日明星》 十年来最受瞩目婚礼 取消!
嗨 妈妈 Hi, Mum.
哦 不是吧 Oh, no.
-发生了什么? -没事 我很好 -What's happened? -Nothing. I'm fine.
-我很好 -好吧 很好 只要你没事就好 -I'm fine. -Well, that's good. Just so long as you're fine.
你准备出去吗? Are you going somewhere?
我猜你现在没心情去参加婚礼吧? I don't suppose you're in the mood for a wedding?
你总会找到适合你的人的 There is somebody out there for you,
一个又细心又忠诚又善良的人 somebody sensitive and faithful and kind.
可是如果你一直躲在这里 你永远也找不到他 But you'll never meet him if you're hiding here.
没事 我一点也不想见他 他听起来像个傻子 Good. I don't want to meet him. He sounds like a twat.
总之 我像是男人的克星 Anyway, I'm like kryptonite to men.
一团脂肪包裹着的克星 Kryptonite dipped in cellulite.
好了 Hegg最近有什么新鲜事? 跟我讲讲大事件吧 So, what's new on Hegg? Give me the headlines.
Donald家有一头羊淹死了 One of Donald's sheep drowned.
他们用窗帘的导轨才把它拖上来 They had to fish it out with a curtain rail.
-你们好 -暖和起来了 是吧 Iseabail? -Hello. -Mild out, isn't it, Iseabail?
全球变暖嘛 It's this global warming.
-Katie回来了 -什么 是的 我们来晚了吗? -Katie's back. -Sorry, yes. Are we late?
晚了 你嫁不了他了 Too late to marry him.
快点! Quick!
抱歉 不是的 Sorry. No.
嗨 Angus Hi, Angus.
你来得太晚了 Katie Nic Aodh 他现在是我的了! You're too late, Katie Nic Aodh. He's mine now!
还有锅匠Oban呢 他九月份会来拜访我们 There's always the Oban tinker. He'll be visiting come September.
他的腿不大灵便 所以现在急着想结婚 And he's keen to marry on account of his leg.
我娶你 Katie 八年以后你多大? I'll marry you, Katie. How old will you be in eight years?
-40 -那你36岁的时候我们结婚好了 -40. -Could have gone to 36.
-啊 我们村的姑娘回来啦 -你好 Laird -The return of the native. -Hello, Laird.
刚才进门那会儿真准时 Katie That was quite the entrance, Katie.
接着刚才的糗事 我又要继续被人嘲笑了 And continuing the theme of my public humiliation,
我需要做回原来的工作 I may need my old job back.
喔 你在爱丁堡的那份好工作怎么了? Oh. What happened to your fancy Edinburgh job
写裤装的编目? at the trouser catalogue?
我写尽了所有可以描述口袋的方式了 I ran out of ways to describe pockets.
你可别介意 Katie If you don't mind me saying, Katie,
你对男人的品味一直不怎么样 you've always had such a terrible taste in men.
我知道 我暂时不准备谈恋爱了 I know. I've gone man vegan.
他们说 分手六年以后你就不会再想他们了 They say after the first six years you don't miss them any more.
你这倒是挑对时机了 You've picked the right spot to try it.
现在Hegg已经没有单身的男人了 是吧 今天过后? There are no single men left on Hegg, are there, after today?
当然 除了我 Except for me, of course.
也许你等一下可以和我一起跳舞 Perhaps you'll dance with me later on.
你可不会忘记Hegg的传统吧 Laird You'll not be forgetting Hegg law, Laird.
你得和我们所有人跳舞 最老的到最小的都要 You must dance with us all. Eldest to youngest.
哦 对啊 Oh, yes.
死人之舞 The dance of the dead.
那就是说 你要到早上4:30才能轮到和我跳舞了 Which means I should get to you about 4:30 in the morning.
那么 So,
你准备回来呆多久? how long are you back for?
呃 实际上 我打算留下来 Well, actually, I'm thinking of staying.
我以为你觉得这里很平淡呢 I thought you said nothing ever happened here.
不会 现在平淡才是更受欢迎的地方嘛 No. Well, nothing happening is becoming more appealing.
看来 你成熟了不少嘛 有个老婆了 So, this is all very grown-up. You've a wife
-还长了胡子 -对了 -and a beard. -Well,
Muireen对胡子的看法和你不一样 Muireen thinks differently of beards than you.
还有对婚姻的 And marriage.
听着 我真心希望你能... Look, I truly hope you'll be...
我明白 Aye.
《鸟类学者之妻》 作者：James Arber
Hegg: 一个岛屿的历史 Hegg: An Island History,
旅行指南 作者Katie Nic Aodh The Definitive Guide. By Katie Nic Aodh.
每本5磅 我们可以分成 5 pounds a copy. We split the proceeds.
给这里写本旅行指南? 别开玩笑了 A guidebook to here? Don't be mad.
叫人家来我们这里看废弃的厕所 Come see our disused toilet
那里说不定还有淹死的奶牛的鬼魂在飘荡 that may or may not be haunted by the ghost of a drowned cow.
你明白吗? You see?
我们要把这种原始的 富有创造力的能量传递出去 We need to channel this raw, creative energy.
否则的话 你又容易要变得烦躁不安 到处乱晃 Else you're liable to get restless and go wandering off again.
没人会买Hegg的旅行指南的 Nobody's going to buy a guidebook to Hegg.
除非它卖的比我们的厕纸还便宜 Unless it's cheaper than our toilet paper.
有个营销会议 要来这儿办? A marketing conference? Here?
-时来运转啦 -这是为营销人员准备的 -The tide has turned. -For the marketeers.
一个一磅 带头发的话一个一磅50便士 a pound each or a pound 50 with hair.
他们想要租我的城堡 不用装修 租一个礼拜 They want my castle, just as it is, for a week.
-祝他们好运了 -这可是个很漂亮的海岛 Katie -Good luck to them. -This is a beautiful island, Katie.
从某种程度上来说... In a way...
新的开始 就像又回到了捕鲸时代 New beginnings. It's like the whale all over again.
你还不至于太小都不知道鲸鱼的事吧 Laird? You're not too young to remember the whale, Laird?
-不至于 我记得 -这次也可以赚很多钱啊 -No, I remember. -There'll be money in this lot too.
别随便跟男游客好上啊 Katie No throwing yourself at the men visitors, Katie.
我们可不想让别人觉得这里像奥克尼郡一样随便 We don't want them thinking this is the Orkneys where anything goes.
好了Katie 快点 第一章 Now, Katie, chop chop. Chapter One,
一位年轻的女子和她的Laird一起 in which a young woman and her laird
为了拯救他们逐渐没落的小岛 而写了 rescue their island from certain doom by writing
一本精彩绝伦的旅行指南 a brilliant guidebook.
海浪与海风眷顾的Hegg岛 The island of Hegg lies half-drowned and wind-battered,
位于外赫布里底群岛最外围的 the furthermost drop of the outermost spray
卷曲浪花中的一滴 of the curling wave of the Outer Hebrides.
岛上人口为75人 It has a population of 75,
而其中的大部分人也已经差不多... a majority of whom are probably about...
75岁 甚至更大了 75. Or even older.
尽管Hegg的景色有着非凡的魅力 Though Hegg no doubt has a certain charm,
但很少有游客驻足光临 it has never been a popular stop on the tourist trail.
就连维京海盗也对这里提不起兴趣 Even the Vikings never showed the slightest interest in us.
但岛民们还是保持了勤劳机智的天性 But the islanders remain a hardy and resourceful people.
除了一人以外 所有50岁以下的居民都已结婚 All those under 50 are now married, except one.
岛上有一座旅馆 The island has one B&B
供应苏格兰传统早餐 包含 羊肉杂碎布丁 which offers the traditional Scottish breakfast of haggis,
香肠 薯条 豌豆 或者如果你更喜欢都市化的早餐 sausage, chips and beans, or if you're feeling more metropolitan,
你也可选择欧式早餐 you can have the continental breakfast,
包含 一份面包卷 两份维他麦和一根士力架 a bread roll, two Weetabix and a Snickers bar.
我们有没有米其林之星让我放上去? Have we got any Michelin stars I can put up?
旅游景点评级指标
-你冷吗? 要不要帮你那件外套? -我没事 -Are you not cold? Can I get you a coat? -I'll be fine.
-和以前一样 -你真这么想? -我总会死的 -As always. -You think? -I'll be dying either way.
我得想个办法走出去看看 Katie 我还从没出去过呢 I've got to get out of here, Katie. I've never been anywhere.
我想看看这个世界 喝大量的鸡尾酒 And I want to see the world, overdose on daiquiris
然后被扔进一座火山里 但这些都需要钱 and be thrown into a volcano. But you need money for that.
如果他们问起来 If they ask,
就说我们是二星级的 不过星星掉了 we had two stars but they fell off.
欢迎来到阳光旅馆 Hegg唯一的含早餐式旅馆 Welcome to the Sunshine, Hegg's only B&B.
我们还有房间呢 We have rooms available.
-我们在找城堡 -我们是营销人员 -We're looking for the castle. -We're marketing people.
我可以带你们去...收费十磅 I'll take you there... for a tenner.
妈! Mum!
我带你们去吧 I'll take you.
我 的 天 Oh, my God.
你喜欢吗? Do you like it?
真是 壮丽极了 It's spectacular.
这将是我们最后一次见到美国人 And that was the last we any of us saw of the Americans.
'镀金的装潢闪闪发亮' 'The gilt work glistened proudly.'
'这座城堡的壮丽从未在时光中消逝' 'Time had in no way diminished the splendours of this castle.'
我们死定了 We're dead.
Lara还指望着踏进他书里的天花乱坠城堡呢 Lara's expecting to walk straight into his stupid book.
她不会怪你的 Steve 她是个讲道理的女人 She's not gonna blame you, Steve. She is a reasonable woman.
我要一间办公室 一条运输路线 Get me an office, a landline,
高空作业工人 电焊工 steeplejacks, welders,
2万英镑现金 5万加仑水 20,000 pounds in cash, 50,000 gallons of water,
快乐王子查理公司的建筑队伍 the construction crew from Bonnie Prince Charlie
还有一杯卡布奇诺 and a cappuccino.
海豹 看 多可爱 A seal. Look. How cute.
我完全不知道这是在哪儿 不过这真的很棒 I've no idea where we are, but it's perfect.
'海水汹涌 用盐手铐铐住了锋利的岩石' 'The sea turns and shakes its manacles of salt
'无数浪花曾在岩石上殉葬' at the sharp rocks on which too many waves have died.'
那是什么? What's that?
你写的 我最爱的书 第49章 It's you. Chapter 49 of my favourite book.
-《鸟类学者之妻》 -是吗? -The Ornithologist's Wife. -Really?
我的丈夫即将成为21世纪最伟大的作家之一 My husband is gonna be one of the great writers of the 21 st century.
-所以我们到底在哪儿? -你知道我们在哪儿 -So where are we exactly? -You know where we are.
真的吗? Do I?
上图-Lara和她的经纪人Steve Korbitz
不要! No!
这跟你书里写的一模一样 It's just how you described it.
我们在Hegg岛上 We're on Hegg.
你都不记得了吗 在你众多的探索旅行中? You don't remember it from your many research trips?
嗨 你们好 Hey, you guys.
我们以前怎么没想到这里 I don't know why we didn't think of this before.
我很抱歉我们不能邀请亲朋好友 I'm sorry we can't have friends and family.
但这些真的很特别 不是吗? But this is so special, isn't it?
真是太完美了 而且只有我们两个人 It's perfect. And it's just us.
我们进去吧 我想看看百鸟厅 Let's go in. I have to see the Hall of a Million Feathers.
-行吗? -当然 你们真该看一看 绝对很棒 -Should we? -Yes, you really should. It's quite something.
你喜欢这里的布置吗? Do you like your room?
我们叫了40个工匠彻夜工作才弄好的 We had 40 master craftsmen working through the night.
其中一个已经80岁了 One of them was 80.
你干嘛不告诉她那是我编的? Why didn't you just tell her I made it all up?
Lara要是指东 When Lara wants to go to the Big Rock Candy Mountain,
我不会带她往西 I don't take her to Elm Street.
你是第一次来Hegg 对吧? This is your first time on Hegg, isn't it?
你的整本书都是网上谷歌出来的 You Googled the entire book.
你是第一个发现这个问题的人 You're the first person ever to have a problem with that.
我要透透气 I need some air.
这世上只有七个人知道我们在这里 There are only seven people in the world who know we're here.
任何人问起来 你只能说你是来开会的 Anybody asks, you're at a marketing conference.
低调点 带个帽子 大作家 Keep your head down, and wear a hat, Tolstoy.
如果你能安全的绕过这里许许多多的兔子洞 If you can safely navigate the many rabbit holes,
那Hegg绝对是个散步的好地方 Hegg can be a great place to ramble.
岛民们常说 如果你不喜欢这里的天气 And as the islanders say, if you don't like the weather here,
等上20分钟之后 或许你就会喜欢了 just wait 20 minutes and maybe you will.
第一章结束 End of Chapter One.
第二章 Hegg的最热景点 Chapter Two: Hegg's top hot spots.
岛上的人们都为这个古老的公共设施感到骄傲 The people of the island are rightly proud of this ageing public amenity.
那些华丽的小便池被绘以孔雀的颜色 The ornate urinals are enamelled in peacock colours,
而那些奶牛般大小的隔间是... while the cow-sized cubicle is...
真的挺可怕的 genuinely frightening.
Laird Laird.
有人吗? 可以肯定是 那并不是真的奶牛 Hello? Pretty sure that's not a real cow.
除非它拿了一把卡祖笛子 Unless it's got hold of a kazoo.
-对不起 -哦 没事 没事 真的 我... -Sorry. -Oh, no, no, really. I'm...
岛上的Laird叔叔有顶相似的帽子 The laird of the island has a similar hat.
很抱歉撞见你 这位太太... Sorry to barge in on you, Mrs...
-我不是太太 -不 不 不是 -Not Mrs. -No, no. No.
我只是假装成一头奶牛的鬼魂 I was just pretending to be the ghost of this cow,
听着 呃 挺疯狂的 which, of course, sounds completely mad.
一点都没有 Not at all.
抱歉 从外面看起来 Sorry. From the outside,
你家有点对外开放的意思 your home looks like it might be open to the public.
我家? My home?
你不住这里吗? You don't live here?
我不住在这间厕所 不 Not in this toilet, no.
在这里 我们住在原始的住处 人类学家们通常 Here we live in primitive dwellings anthropologists like
称之为房子 to call houses.
请原谅我 我常常花大量时间和...隐士们呆在一起 Please forgive me. I've spent a lot of time with... hermits.
作为营销人员 你倒不是很擅长撒谎嘛 For someone in marketing, you're not very good at lying.
我仍然相当初级 I'm still quite junior.
-我叫Katie -我是J... -Katie. -I'm J...
John. 是John... son. -John... John. John... son. -John...
John John Johnson John John Johnson.
而且 我...我迷路了 And I'm... I'm quite lost.
不稀奇 那本书里写的完全不对 No wonder. That book isn't right about anything.
你根本没读过它 没人读过 没有从头到尾地读 You haven't read it. No one's read it, not all the way through.
那可是唯一写关于Hegg的书 That's the only book ever written about Hegg.
识字的人都读过了 Everybody who can read has read it.
-Hegg读书俱乐部给它评了四星 总共十星 -四星? -The Hegg Book Club gave it four out of ten. -Four out of ten?
我们觉得看到大概600页的时候才慢慢开始变好了 We thought it picked up around page 600.
这本书的构架相当精巧 The architecture of the book was probably quite deliberate.
哇 Hegg的读书俱乐部的人真难讨好 Wow, the Hegg Book Club are a tough crowd.
哦 还有里面的爱情故事? 我一点都不买账 Oh, and the love story? I didn't buy that at all.
有点乏味 It was just soulless.
-枯燥无味? -也许他的第二本书会写的好点 -Soulless? -Maybe his second book will be better.
-第二本出了吗? -还没呢 没有 -Is it out yet? -Not yet, no.
天呐 都好几年了 要么他就是 God. It's been years. Either he's very,
没灵感了 要么就是比这本书还长 你能想象吗? very blocked or it's even longer than that one. Can you imagine?
你要我帮你拿一会儿吗? Do you want me to carry it for a bit?
哦 不行 不行 不行 你去爱奥那岛吧 Oh, no, no, no. You want Iona.
这里没有修道院 没有修道士 没有奇迹发生 There's no monastery here. No monks. No miracles.
-没关系 -但是这里住宿不免费的 -That's OK. -But no free accommodation here.
我对上帝的信奉也就一般 I believe in God so-so,
不过我还对瑜伽很感兴趣 but I'm also very interested in yoga.
-谁知道呢 所以 不打折 -没问题 -Hung jury, you see. So no discount. -No problem.
我提前付 全款 I will pay upfront, in full.
说句实在话 他这是编出来的 To be fair, he had to make it up.
你用一本五页的小册子就能把Hegg说完了 You could cover Hegg in a pamphlet of about five pages.
好了 我知道我在哪儿了 OK, I know where I am now.
听着 你是来这里工作的 很明显 Look, you're here to work, obviously.
不过如果你想喝杯咖啡 我就住在那里的旅馆 在... But if you ever fancy a coffee, I just live at the B&B over...
那里 和我妈妈一起住 down there, with my mother.
因为...我常常会在这周围 Just... I'm around most of the time,
而且我比看起来更有魅力 and I'm a whole lot hotter than I look.
我们有很多... We've got so much...
营销方面的工作要做 marketing to do.
好吧 我不是要... OK. This wasn't...
我不...我不会这样了 I wasn't... I don't any more.
反正我不谈恋爱了 I've gone vegan anyway.
好吧 Yeah.
抱歉 Sorry.
再见 Bye.
三号房 Room three.
保佑你 Blessings.
这是个爱好 It's a hobby.
我希望能拍到你们这里很珍稀的几种鸟类 I hope to capture one of your very rare birds on film.
我们这里没有珍稀鸟类 我们只有刺猬 We don't have any rare birds. We have hedgehogs.
是吗 好吧 我来都来了 Yeah, well, I am here now.
我刚刚当了回连我自己都不敢相信的 I have just made the most unbelievable
-傻子 -我们有客人了 -twat of myself. -We have a guest.
-我不相信他是修道士 -人们说他们到处胡闹 -I don't trust this monk. -People say they monkey around.
-我觉得他是个记者 -为什么? -I think he's a journalist. -Why?
你最近有没有按时吃药? Are you taking your pills properly?
第一章 Jackson Kandinsky从他热梦中醒来 Chapter One Jackson Kandinsky awoke
梦中有着许多过去的往事 from hot dreams of lost things
接着 他整了整他的移植睾丸 and adjusted his testicular implant.
我比我看起来更有魅力 I'm a whole lot hotter than I look.
是谁? Yeah?
你确定在结婚前夜做爱 Are you sure it's so terribly unlucky to make love
是件超级不祥的事情? the night before the wedding?
我不喜欢你这么饥渴的样子 I hate it when you beg for sex.
你实在是太美了 You are staggeringly beautiful.
我因你而感到饥饿 对你的饥渴感 Starve me of yourself. Turn me concave
把我销蚀成凹谷 with caverns of longingness.
天呐 那是我写的吗? '饥渴感' Oh, God. Did I write that? 'Longingness.'
都算不上是个单词 It's not even a word.
不是的 这只是我把我的想法说出来而已 No. That was just me saying what I was thinking.
哦 是吗 抱歉 Oh, right. Sorry.
天总算黑了 是吧? It finally got dark, then?
你才不是修道士呢 你也不来写我的故事 You're not a monk. And you're not having my story.
是加里东通讯社吗? Is that the Caledonian Press Agency?
让你的脂肪融化变得更明显 Visualise your cellulite melting!
加油 你做的真的很不错! Come on! You're doing really well!
哦 我的天 Oh, my God.
这样很好 感觉脂肪燃烧 This is good. Feel the burn.
Lara? Lara?
你说'类似失踪...'? When you say 'kind of like missing... '?
她...她完全消失了 She's... She's totally gone.
好吧 她看到他了 那他看到她了吗? OK, she saw him. Did he see her?
我不知道 他把自己伪装成一个巫师 I don't know. He's disguised as a wizard.
类似棕色的巫师 而且他在正对着小教堂外的树上 Some kind of brown wizard. And he's in a tree right by the chapel.
他怎么做到的? How does he do this?
他很厉害 He's amazing.
好吧 他爬到了树里 他想要这对新人的一张照片 OK, he's in a tree. He wants a photo of the happy couple.
那我们就给他一张 我们按计划举行婚礼 Let's give it to him. We go through with the wedding exactly as planned.
不过用个替身 Ballani But with a stand-in. Ballani,
要确保他相信这是真的婚礼 convinced he's at the real wedding,
他拿着照片就走了 然后我们再去找Lara takes his photo and leaves. Then we go find Lara,
把她带回到小教堂来 bring her back to the chapel
重新来一遍 这次是真的 and do it all over again, this time for real.
你也很厉害 You are amazing also.
那我该告诉James吗? I'll go and tell James?
什么别告诉那个爱谷歌的吸血鬼 Don't tell that Googling leech anything.
如果James发现Lara失踪了 他会去找她的... If James finds out Lara is missing, he's gonna go looking for her...
你们在这里啊 Anais-Anais Oh, you're in here. Anais-Anais,
我这次准备自己弄头发 I'm gonna do my own hair this time.
-因为我知道我要弄成真么样的 -好的 -Because I know what I want. -Fine.
一切都顺利吧? Everything all right?
-是的 -好啊 -Yay. -Yay.
-好运 -好的 -Good luck. -All right.
但是如果James不知道Lara失踪的话 But if James doesn't know that Lara is missing,
这计划要怎么才能成? how is that gonna work?
要让他觉得这是真的 我们需要一个诱饵新娘 He has to think it's for real. We need a decoy bride.
你们都不行 太高 太黑 None of you are right. Too tall, too black.
-我可以来 -别傻了 -I could do it. -Don't be stupid.
Ballani认识你 他得看到你和James一起出现 Ballani knows you. He needs to see you with James.
我只要一个能走20英尺不会摔倒的人 I just need somebody who can walk 20 feet without falling over.
上次那个奇怪的女孩是谁? Who was that awful girl?
-但是我和Lara Tyler看着一点都不像 -是的 -But I don't look anything like Lara Tyler. -That's true,
她在这些女孩给她化妆之前也不像她自己 but neither does she until these ladies get their hands on her.
-嗨 -而且我们觉得你很有潜力 -Hi. -We think you're full of potential.
-不行 抱歉 -200磅 -No. Sorry. -200 Pounds.
我一点都不感兴趣 我不去婚礼的 I'm really not interested. I'm off weddings.
500磅 这又不是真的婚礼 500. It's not a real wedding.
婚礼有过真的吗? 我有次差点就买婚纱了 Are they ever? I nearly bought a wedding dress once.
-跟买辆菲亚特乌诺一样贵 -5千磅 -Cost the same as a Fiat Uno. -5,000.
岛上的人有没有告诉过你我是个妓女? Has somebody on the island told you I'm a prostitute?
听着 我真的不感兴趣 而且我妈妈就要回来了 Look, I'm really not interested, and my mum'll be back in a while
我跟她说过要帮她做午饭的 所以... and I said I'd cook her lunch, so...
一个小时的即兴表演 没有性爱裸露镜头 One hour's improvisation. No scenes of a sexual nature.
5千磅 5,000.
有了这笔钱 你可以为你又可怜又身体不好的妈妈 You can do something really nice for your poor,
做点很棒的事情 sick mother.
这是什么鬼东西? What the flipping heck are they?
我要帮你暂时做一下法令纹除皱 I'm going to temporarily immobilise your nasolabial folds.
-你要干嘛? -这就像漂白剂 -What are you doing? -It's just like bleach.
-可以让你的头发颜色变淡 -不行 -It'll make your hair lighter. -No way.
她不能把厕所清洁剂涂我头发上 She is not putting toilet cleaner in my hair.
别耍大牌 Don't be a diva.
不行 不行 不行 No, no, no.
-抱歉 -真绝望 -Sorry. -Hopeless.
要确保万无一失 Let's just make extra sure.
你获得过奥斯卡提名 你散发着自信的光芒 You're an Oscar nominee. You ooze confidence.
你最有型 你参加过无数的活动 You define poise. You're the face that launched a thousand campaigns.
不过你从来不引用特鲁德·斯坦的话(美国现代派作家兼女权主义活动家) And your latest thing is quoting Gertrude Stein.
特鲁德·斯坦：美国现代派作家兼女权主义活动家
给我牢牢记住 At length and from memory.
好了Steve 我们进去了 我们觉得他不在教堂里 OK, Steve, we're in. He's not inside we don't think.
不过这地方应该是被窃听了 这样想比较保险 But safer to assume the place is bugged.
完毕 收线 Over and out.
你会发美式口音吗? Can you do an American accent?
Lara? 你还好吧? Lara? You OK?
你好 你愿意爱她 安慰她 Hi. Will you love her, comfort her,
尊敬她 保护她 honour and protect her,
对她永远忠诚 and forsaking all others be faithful to her
至死不渝吗? for as long as you both shall live?
看到了吧? See?
-我愿意 -我愿意 -I will. -I will.
我愿意! I will!
我 James Neil Arber 认你 Lara Elizabeth Tyler I, James Neil Arber, take you, Lara Elizabeth Tyler,
作我的妻子 不论富贵 贫穷 不论健康 疾病 to be my wife, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...
...永远珍爱你 ...to love and cherish
直到死亡将我们分开 在上帝面前 我立下誓言 until death us do part. In the presence of God, I take this vow.
我 Lara Elizabeth Tyler 认你 I, Lara Elizabeth Tyler, take you,
James Neil Arber 作我的丈夫 James Neil Arber, to be my husband,
从今以后 执子之手 不论更好 更坏 to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse,
不论富有 贫穷 for richer, for poorer,
不论疾病 健康 至死不渝的珍爱你 sickness, health, love, death, cherish.
在上帝面前 我立下誓言 In the presence of God, I make this vow.
戒指在谁那里? Who has the rings?
-Steve 这是怎么回事? -我等会儿跟你解释 -Steve, what the hell's going on? -I'll explain it to you later.
交换戒指的主持词可以省略 对吧? The ring text is optional, right?
我现在宣布 你们结为合法夫妻 I now pronounce you man and wife.
-你现在可以亲吻新娘了 -这是谁? -You may kiss the bride. -Who is this?
John Johnson John Johnson.
厕所女孩? Toilet girl?
我们要为找Lara争取时间 We had to buy time to look for Lara.
我们是谁? 谁在找她? Who's we? Who's looking for her?
-两姐妹 -化妆的两姐妹? -The gang. -The gang of beauticians?
你疯了吗? 她可能会摔下悬崖 Are you mad? She could have fallen off a cliff!
你真觉得Ballani会相信 You think Ballani is gonna believe
这个厕所里的服务员是我老婆? this toilet attendant is my wife?
我不是厕所服务员 I am not a toilet attendant.
她从15岁开始就被媒体跟班了 She has been hunted by the press since she was 15.
所以 猜猜看 她会变得有点神经质 So, guess what, that makes her a bit jumpy.
而你们做了什么? And what have you done?
你们把她弄丢了 外面还有她最恨那个狗仔队记者 You have lost her on a Hegg with the one paparazzo she hates the most.
怎么...他们什么时候做的这些? How... When did they do all this?
这是我的工作 要保护她的事业 This is my job, to protect her career.
她的事业? 不 不 她要退休了 Her career? No, no. She's retiring.
-供你参考 这只是你和她这么觉得 -Steve Steve! - FYI, there's only you and her that think that. - Steve. Steve!
-怎么啦? -那是媒体吗? -What? -Is that the press?
天呐 怎么会这样? Oh, God. How the hell did this happen?
请问我能要回我的衣服和支票吗? Can I please have my clothes and my cheque?
-我妈妈还在等我呢 -我要去找她 -My mother's expecting me. -I'm gonna find her.
不行 No No
我们最不想看到的就是你转来转去引来媒体的关注 The last thing we need is you charging around attracting unwanted attention.
Lara失踪了 外面可能会有狼 Lara is missing. There might be wolves out there.
你是对的 我太不理智了 You're absolutely right. I wasn't thinking straight.
是的 是的 如果说谁能找到她 那一定只有你了 Of course, If anybody can find her, it's you.
-这边走吧 你们两个 -谢谢你 -This way, both of you. -Thank you.
这边走 这是后门的出口 This way. This is the back way out.
-只有一个小时 你说过的 -是的 我瞎说的 -An hour, you said! -Yeah, well, I'm full of shit.
一定有出去的路 There must be a way out.
我不是厕所服务员 而且我告诉过你我的名字 I am not a toilet attendant. And I did tell you my name.
要是我能记起你的名字 我们就能出去了 If only I could remember your name, we could find a way out of here.
抱歉 想给仆人起个名字很残忍 是不是? Sorry. It's cruel to give the servants names, isn't it?
可不想和他们走得太亲近 Don't want to get too attached to them.
真可笑 给你穿了条婚纱 就好像天下是你的了 Astonishing. Give you a white dress and suddenly everything's about you.
今天可不是你的大日子 Katie This is not your big day, Katie.
也不是你的 很明显 Nor yours, apparently.
你们有个'观鸟者之妻'的主题婚礼啊 You're having an 'Ornithologist's Wife' themed wedding.
-是又怎样? -我觉得它还能再烂点 -And if we are? -I suppose it could be worse.
我真想被困在史蒂芬·金的蜜月里啊 I could be trapped inside Stephen King's honeymoon.
他显然是个不错的人 Though apparently he's a nice guy.
他们给了你多少钱 够乡下人用了吗? How much are you getting paid for this, in hillbilly money?
现在看来 远远不够 Not nearly enough.
我们为什么要这么做? So why are we doing that?
只要他们觉得Lara在城堡里 As long as they think Lara's in the castle,
他们就会在外面安顿下来 they'll camp out there.
只要他们在那里安顿下来 他们就不会去找Lara As long as they're out there, they're not looking for Lara.
来吧 Come on.
Strupak!(苏格兰特色饮料)
- Strupak! 一杯一磅 -这是类似茶的饮料 -Strupak! A pound. -It's like tea.
其实就是茶 It is tea.
你快出来吧 你个老磨蹭! Get a move on, you carnaptious bampot!
这次有钱赚了 There's money to be made.
一群记者刚刚下渡轮 A pack of journalists just stepped off the ferry
从Minch海峡那里还要来更多人 wi' more coming over the Minch.
就好像又回到了捕鲸时代 It's like the whale all over again.
啊 幸福的一对 屁股真漂亮 The happy couple. Nice arse.
这是什么? What's this?
IPhone IPhone.
钻石耳环 Diamond earrings.
这是个喜袋 对吧? It's a party bag, isn't it?
你居然在自己的婚礼上收到喜袋 You're getting party bags from your own wedding.
你们真是让人搞不懂 不过这些这搞笑 You're too far gone to understand, but it's so funny.
我在我昂贵的计算机上计算我的资产 I'm counting all my money on my very expensive money-counting machine.
闪闪发亮啊有没有! Bling! Bling!
你好? 以12.5%的利息存六百万存八年? Hello? Eight times six million at 12 and half percent interest?
我来算一算 I'll just check for you.
喂 你搞搞清楚 我娶的是Lara Tyler Look, try to get your head round this. I'm marrying Lara Tyler.
我不是娶你 这是Lara的主意...和我的主意 I'm not marrying you. This is Lara's idea... and my idea,
办这个很棒的婚礼 of a great wedding.
如果我娶的是你 那我们会在你选的地方结婚 If I were marrying you, we would be in the place of your choosing.
在某个亮堂堂的2星级酒店的酒吧里 披金戴银 The bar of some brightly lit 2 star hotel, no doubt, draped in tinsel,
喝着二流的葡萄酒 drinking German wine
然后看你的表亲们在停车场做爱 and watching your cousins have sex in the car park.
-你真是个超讨厌的势利眼 -你也是 -You're a horrible snob. -So are you.
真是个博采众长的图书馆 What an eclectic library.
签名版的 真悲剧 Signed. That's tragic.
-你有没有签登记表? -你看见我签的 怎么了? -Did you sign the register? -You saw me. Why?
那是有法律效应的文件吗? Is that the legal bit?
我想起来 这么急急忙忙的 I think, in all the fuss,
我可能签的是我自己的名字 I may have signed my own name.
那又怎样? So?
我可以证实 Lara Tyler和James Arber I can confirm that Lara Tyler and James Arber
今天结婚了 结婚典礼规模不大 were finally married today in a small,
但非常的浪漫私密 tasteful private ceremony.
他们明早将会启程前往 They will be leaving for a secret honeymoon destination
秘密蜜月度假地 不过 你们可以看得出 in the morning, but, as you can see,
他们的新婚之夜将在那个塔楼里度过 they will be spending their wedding night in that turret there.
那边那扇窗那里 That window there
就是他们的洞房 is where the action is.
-谢谢 -有结婚照吗? -Thank you. -Is there a picture of the dress?
别把婚纱下面弄湿了 Don't get the bottom of the dress wet.
那你要不要我把它脱掉? Would you like me to take it off?
-你结婚了没? 我觉得那样会有帮助 -没有 -You're not married already? I imagine that might be helpful. -No.
我记得嘛 没结过婚 I remember now. Not married.
不过 一个文学罗曼史的权威人士 But still a world authority on romance in literature,
-是不会去给别人巡逻厕所的 -你个寄生虫 -will not cruising toilets for men. -Parasite.
我希望她让你签了婚前协议 I hope she's made you sign a prenup.
他们是怎么把你塞进这件衣服里的? How did they fit you into that dress?
那她有诶 She has.
那这是怎么分配呢? 等到你们离了婚 她可以拿到 How does that work exactly? When you get divorced, does she get half
-你还没写完的书的一半吗? -我不是寄生虫 -of your unfinished books? -I am no parasite.
我也是到最近才和她一起住的 I didn't even live with Lara until recently.
她根据我写的东西建了这座瞭望台 She built me this gazebo in the grounds where I write.
她把你养在花园底下的小棚里 She keeps you in a shed at the bottom of the garden
-像个乌龟一样 -喂 你多大了? 三十大几? -like a tortoise. -Look, you're what? Late 30s?
-刚满30 -还和你妈一起住? -30, just. -Still living with your mum?
我是暂时和我妈一起住 她病了 I am living with my mother temporarily because she is sick.
那你是做什么的来着? And what is it you do again?
你是Hegg读书俱乐部的主席吗? Are you president of this Hegg Book Club?
-还是你管他们吃的药? -我也是个作家 -Or do you just administer their medication? -I too am a writer.
-作家? 写什么的? -写别人真正看的东西 -A writer? Of what exactly? -Of something that people actually read.
-你写麦片的包装吗? -听着... -Do you write cereal packets? -Look...
你是不是在卡车车尾的灰尘里面 Do you write your name over and over
一遍一遍的写自己的名字? in the dirt on the back of trucks?
你非要知道的话 我在网上写男士着装的编目 If you must know, I write for an online menswear catalogue.
裤装的编目 我现在不做了 A trouser catalogue. I don't do it anymore.
什么 '仅剩的五条含松紧腰带的棕色长裤 What, 'five pairs of brown trousers with elasticated waistbands,
现仅售30磅’这种东西? ￡30 while stocks last?' That kind of thing?
我还写过关于的Hegg的导游书 I have also written the official guidebook to Hegg,
可比某人对这个岛的介绍要好多了 which is accurate than certain other accounts of life on the island.
听起来真不错嘛 That sounds fascinating.
有消息了吗? 有没有找到她? Any news? Have you found her?
喂!这个岛可比你说的大多了，明白? 完毕 Hello! This island is much bigger than you said, OK? Over.
我看你是去美甲店里闲逛了 Perhaps you'd like to do time in the San Quentin nail bar instead.
接着找 完毕 收线 Keep looking. Over. And out.
等会儿 Later.
她到底去哪了? Where is she?
-我们找的人什么样? 胖还是瘦? -都得看 -So what are we going for, then? Fat or thin? -Both.
'矮胖的好莱坞明星在大喜之日 'Podgy Hollywood star looks gaunt
看起来很憔悴'这个题目怎么样? on happy day'?
混蛋 Assholes.
-你好 -女士 请离开这儿 禁止进入城堡 -Hello. -Move along now, ma'am. No one gets in the castle.
看她运气怎样 She'll be lucky.
请问 可以借你们的电话用一下吗？ Would you have a portable telephone that I could per chance borrow?
这里没有信号 付费电话在那边 There's no reception, love.Payphone in there.
请给我一张电话票好吗？ Can I have a ticket for the telephone, please?
让他们都进来 我请客 Keep the triples coming. I'm buying.
看看她 扬着钱跟苏丹酋长似的 Look at her. Flashing her cash about like the Sheikh of Oman.
好像卖的是她自己的故事 As if the story was hers to sell.
大家好 我们是《今日明星》杂志的 Hello. I am 'Stars Today'and I am here to buy copy
我来买Lara Tyler婚礼独家照片版权 for our Lara Tyler wedding special.
没人看到她 也没人拍到照片 Nobody's seen anything and there are no pictures.
你是说你没有照片 可Marco Ballani会有照片的 You mean you've got no pictures. Marco Ballani will have pictures.
什么 那个Marco Ballani吗? What, that Marco Ballani?
你拍到照片了吗? Do you have the photo?
Marco！你搞到照片了没有? Marco! Have you got the photo?
我什么都没弄到 I have nothing.
要是你准备写本新书 会写些什么呢? What's this nameless new book of yours about, then, if it exists?
我的书会透过上帝的眼睛来俯视世界末日 It's about the end of the world as seen through the eyes of God.
哦 天呐 Oh, dear.
没人告诉过你要写点你知道的东西吗? Did no one tell you to write about what you know?
她觉得你是个天才 是吗? 然后 你就不断努力 She thinks you're a genius,doesn't she? And you're trying
去做一个能配得上Lara Tyler的人 to be one so you're good enough to be with Lara Tyler.
但是这样却让你止步不前 真可悲 But it's left you totally blocked.Pathetic.
还和你妈住在一起 假装自己是电影明星 Still living with your mum,pretending to be a movie star,
写了本从来没人去的小岛的旅行指南 writing a guidebook about an island no one will ever visit.
那才叫可悲 That's pathetic.
我要去拆我的礼物了 I'm going to open my presents now.
啊!你居然没拍到照片? Ah! Did you not get your picture?
-我认识你吗? -不 不认识 -Do I know you? -No, you do not.
对 我只认识她 No, I know only her.
你知道吗? 她在拍《淹死人》这部电影之前 Did you know she lived in her pool for 2 weeks
在自己的游泳池里住了两周 before filming 'The Drowning'?
我就住在她上面 在她游泳池的楼顶上 I lived above her in her pool house roof.
我们都是那种无法摆脱 难以抗拒的的人 你知道吗 We are both obsessional compulsional types, you know.
-你没有卖掉这些照片? -它们太私人了 -You didn't sell these? -They are too personal.
直到现在她要嫁人了 我才意识到... And only now she has married someone else do I realise...
我爱她 我是一个充满饥渴感的大洞 I love her.I am a cavern of longingness.
-这话通吗？ -通 -Is that good English? -Yeah.
我搞不懂了 I don't get it.
Lara和我都喜欢看大型猫科动物的纪录片 Lara and I like big cat documentaries.
爱啥啥吧 Deal with it.
-你来这儿干嘛? -Lara呢? -What are you doing here? -Where's Lara?
我才不会告诉你 As if I'd tell you.
你把全世界最迷人的女人扔在一边 Behind the back of the world's most fascinating woman,
自己在这儿喝着香槟 和妓女乱搞 you drink champagne and you cavort with prostitutes.
我可不是妓女 I'm not a prostitute.
-我是他老婆 -她就是个可怕的错误 -I'm his wife. -She is a horrendous mistake.
看来你又没和Lara结成婚 不过这个女人更配你 You have failed again to marry Lara.This is a better match for you.
抱歉我现在不能接你的电话 如果你是蓝登书屋 I'm sorry but I can't take your call right now If that's Random House,
蓝登书屋：国际著名图书出版商
目前 我这里的电脑和人脑出了一连串的问题 I've had a succession of computer issues and an illness,
不过正在慢慢好转 it's going really well
我会在近几周内发几个章节给你的 and I'll be mailing some chapters at the week.
哇 看来我有了关于Lara Tyler的独家头条 Well, it looks like I might have hit on my very own Lara Tyler exclusive.
你像个男人一样的和我战斗行吗? Are you gonna fight like a man
别老是拿着海鹦往我头上扔了 or just throw puffins at me?
我会找到她的 等我找到她 我会拥有她的 I will find her. And when I find her, I will have her.
我看不太可能啊 Not very likely.
看 Look.
-你要干嘛? -我要出去买点牛奶 -What are you doing? -I'm just nipping out for some milk.
-你以为你是谁啊?人猿泰山? -Lara有个攀岩墙 -What do you think you are? Tarzan? -Lara's got a climbing wall.
那是自然 Of course she has.
好了 刚才过的很愉快 It's been an absolute pleasure.
哦 你要把我留在这儿 是吗? Oh, I'm staying here, am I?
凭什么你女朋友比我生病的妈妈更重要? What makes your girlfriend more of a priority than my sick mother?
-外面可能有狼 -狼? 这里才没有狼呢 -There might be wolves out there. -Wolves? There's no wolves.
我们连蜜蜂都没有 她倒是有可能踩到刺猬 We don't even have bees. She might stand on a hedgehog,
要是那样就好了 因为这里的刺猬都泛滥成灾了 which would be good, actually,because we're overrun.
你可以把它当做你那本无聊导游书第二版的素材 Save it for the second edition of your dreary little guidebook.
如果你还准备写的话 If there is one.
好吧 等等 我和你一起去 我要下来了 Right, wait there. I'm coming with you. I'm coming down.
小船里面全是水 你会把裙子的下摆弄湿的 The pedalo's full of water. You'll get the bottom of the dress wet.
他们一会儿就会放你出来的 快回去 You'll be released back into the community shortly. Get back inside!
-再见! -讨厌的钉子 -Goodbye! -Stupid nails.
别看我的腿 求你了 Don't look at my legs. Please.
你还是把裙子下摆弄湿了 You got the bottom of the dress wet.
-谢谢你救了我 -我很抱歉你差点就淹死了 -Thanks for saving my life. -I'm sorry you nearly drowned.
别这么说 我的生命历程在我眼前闪过 Don't be.My life flashed in front of my eyes,
刚过了一半我就觉得无聊了 and halfway through I was just bored.
-被淹死这块儿算是最精彩的部分 -我也是 -Being drowned was a highlight. -Me too, actually.
能做一次这么有意义的事情感觉很好 Quite nice to do something productive for once.
你嘲笑我和我妈还住在一起是对的 我很没用 You were right about me staying with my mum. I am a loser.
好吧 你说的其实也对 我的书是挺乏味的 Well, you were right about my book being a bit soulless.
还有你说我现在止步不前 也对 And about me being blocked.
-我看我更没用 -我绝对比你没用 -I guess I'm the bigger loser. -I'm definitely the bigger loser.
哦 才不会 从长远来看还是我 Oh, no. Not by a long shot.
你怎么这么争强好胜呢？ Why do you have to be so competitive?
...电脑和人脑出了一连串的问题 ...computer issues and an illness,
不过正在慢慢好转... but it's going really well and...
James 我很抱歉 我没法进城堡 James, I'm sorry.I can't get into the castle.
你记得在你的书里 他们接吻的地方吗? You know in your book, the place where they kiss?
我会在那里等你 Meet me there.
带上牧师和戒指 我爱你 我真的爱你 Bring the priest and the rings.I love you. I do love you.
他们接吻的地方 The place where they kiss.
你可真好 但是不用麻烦你了，我自己能行了 This is very kind of you, but there's really no need. I can do it.
哦 我坚持要帮你 Och, I insist.
我觉得你在《狼月》里面演的很好 I thought you were wonderful in 'The Wolf and the Moon.'
那么...真要谢谢你把我的婚礼放出风声 So... Thank you for getting the word out about my wedding.
-婚礼怎么样？ -没办成 -How did it go? -It didn't.
多亏了你 Thanks to you.
我去发财快活了 也许会回来 爱你的妈妈 Gone to get rich and get drunk. Back perhaps. Mum X
咚 咚 咚 Knock, knock.
鹅毛笔啊 Quills.
Lara给的圣诞礼物 Christmas present from Lara.
她觉得这样可以帮助写作 She thought they might help with the writing.
这个演出挺烂的吧 Must have been a terrible concert.
-爸爸 去世了 我们不怎么讨论他 -好吧 -Dad, gone. We don't talk about him. -OK.
把钱扔了 要不就把你扔了 Throw the money over. The money or the wheelchair with you in it.
快点 Come on.
-你听到我说的话了吗? -听到了 -Did you hear me? -Yes.
我再想想 I'm thinking about it.
这里什么…都缺 It needs... everything.
我觉得挺好 I like it.
四月确实是最冷的一个月 April really is the cruellest month.
-那是Angus -抱歉 他是你的男朋友吗？ - Poor Angus.- Sorry. Is he your?
不 本来应该是 谁知道呢 可我喜欢有点坏坏的 No. Should have been, probably,but I only go for arty types
文艺青年 我前未婚夫是玩乐队的 with monster commitment issues.My ex-fiancé was in a band.
他们只有一首歌打进前四十的榜单 叫《轮床跳》 They just had a top 40 hit with the song 'Bed Hopper'.
-这就是提示吧 -我以为只是讽刺而已 - So the clues were there.- I thought it was ironic.
真傻 但是 我也觉得他喜欢那种 Stupid. But, then, I also thought he liked girls who, you know,
有聪明反击的女生 give intelligent feedback.
所以 他告诉我 我只是一首歌 And so he told me I was just one song,
不是一整张专辑 not a whole album.
所以我就不打算和人谈恋爱了 I'm finished with relationships.
-他们说当你不再寻找 你就会... -结婚吗？ -They say it's when you stop looking that you... -Get married?
实际上 现在 婚姻对我而言倒是可以忍受了 Actually, marriage is becoming surprisingly bearable.
至少 你离开我找别的女人这件事 At least the fact that you are going to leave me for another woman
我们已经提前商议好了 has been agreed in advance.
她是个怎样的人? What's she like?
我猜她该和其他人一样 普通的女孩 I suppose she's just like anybody else, just a normal girl.
不 不 她是件珍稀的瑰宝 No. No, she's rare and fine
很特别 很谦虚 很慷慨 and peculiar and modest.And generous.
而且 真的真的很可爱 And really, really nice.
非常棒 不管做什么 And brilliant. At everything.
不过 她能这样吗? But can she do this?
不 我想她应该不行 No, I don't believe she can.
你只用了蜡和粉 就弄成这个样子了吗? So you did all that with just candle wax and powder?
-是啊 我全弄掉了吗? -嗯 你真好看 -Yeah. Is it all off? -Yes. You're so beautiful.
很抱歉我卖了你的消息 I'm sorry I sold your story.
你看 我真渴望能马上离开这个岛 I need to get off this island, you see, and soon.
我想看看这个世界 然后再被扔到火山里 And I need to see the world and be thrown into a volcano.
这可能就是我的命吧 It is my destiny.
哦 天呐 我现在才知道你是谁 Oh, my God.I just realised who you are.
你是Maggie 鸟类学家的妻子 You're Maggie,the ornithologist's wife.
James以你为原型创造了她 James based her on you.
Maggie从不屈服 努力反抗着她的压迫者 Maggie who would not bend,who turns on her oppressors.
是的 那是我 Yes, that's me.
-你真的鼓励了我 -谢谢 -You have been such an inspiration to me. -Thanks.
我刚刚被世界上最美丽的女人踢了一脚 I've just been kicked in the face by the most beautiful woman
她现在外面游荡 穿得像我以前 in the world who is now walking around outside dressed
寄宿学校的女舍监 我愿意出20万 as my old boarding-school matron.I will pay 200 grand
来买这个封面 行动起来 for that cover shot. Go and get it.
复古经典 100%纯羊毛制品 重13盎司 Retro classic.100%/ pure new wool in a 13oz cloth.
1978年之后就没动过 Untouched since 1978.
要是没你我可怎么办? What would I do without you?
Katie 鲸滩上有钱 足够我们俩出去旅游了 Katie, there's money on Whale Beach,enough for us to go away.
但是我们得在涨潮之前到那里 But we have to get down there before the tide comes in.
-Connor? -不是的 妈妈 -Connor? -No, Mum.
-这是我老公 -你老公? -This is my husband. -Your husband?
听起来是有点疯狂 你好 我是James It's been a bit crazy. Hi. James.
为什么他穿着你爸的衣服? Why is he dressed as your father?
-呃 他女朋友不见了... -他还有个女朋友? -Well, his girlfriend's missing... -He has a girlfriend?
-这就是厕所男吗? -什么? -Is this Toilet Man? -What?
-就是你在厕所遇到的那个男人 -不是 -The man you made a pass at in the toilet. -No.
为什么鲸滩上会有钱? Why is there money on Whale Beach?
Lara Tyler让我把钱扔了 Lara Tyler made me throw the cash
我靠卖把她结婚消息卖出去赚到的 I got from selling her wedding over the cliff.
她没结婚 她现在在去教堂湾的路上 She's not married.She's on her way to Cathedral Cove
去见James Arber to meet James Arber.
James... James...
Arber? Arber?
没错 Indeed.
真聪明 所以 你们一手导演了现在这个局面 Very clever. So you manufactured this whole situation.
一个告诉媒体得到一大笔钱 Big sack of cash for telling the press,
另一个再当做诱饵 当一切结束的时候 another for playing the decoy. When it's all over,
再把这些事情都澄清了 the same again to set the record straight.
要破坏别人的幸福 工程可不小吧 Quite an industry you've made out of ruining other people's happiness.
花点时间给我暗送秋波 给这个故事增加点趣味 Making cow eyes at me for hours to add a little spice to the story.
-暗送秋波? -你听好了 -Cow eyes? -Let me tell you.
要设个炫目甜蜜的陷阱 你得够有诱惑力才行 For a honeytrap to work, there needs to be honey.
你喜欢他吗? Do you like him?
他是个反应迟钝的文艺青年 He's an emotionally retarded arty boy
还爱着另一个女人 who's in love with another woman.
-我当然喜欢他 -你告诉他了吗? -Of course I like him. -Did you tell him?
犯过错误的人生可要比 A life spent making mistakes is so much better
无所事事的人生好太多了 than a life spent doing nothing.
和你爸坠入爱河是我这一辈子犯过的最好的错误 Falling for your father was the best mistake I ever made.
我有了你 I got you.
最让我后悔的错误 就是没能和他一起走 My worst mistake was not going after him.
我才不要 我宁愿去死 No. Would rather die.
真的 然后我们可以找一张他的大照片挂在墙上 Really. Then we'll get a big photo of him and put it on the wall
往后的日子你可以朝着它扔飞镖 and you can throw darts at it for the rest of your life.
这两个傻子在哪里接吻? Where do these stupid people kiss?
你好 我想问一下能帮帮我吗 谢谢 Hello. I'm wondering if you can help me. Thank you.
这附近有没有教堂 或者什么海湾? Is the Cathedral nearby, or any other coves?
我有点迷路了 I've become rather lost.
哦 好吧 我被认出来了 Oh, great. Now I've been recognised.
是的 我是James Arber Yes, I am James Arber.
我要娶Lara Tyler 不出错的话 I am marrying Lara Tyler. Probably.
但是可不可以不要告诉其他人 But if you could try not to mention it to anyone
尤其请不要告诉媒体 and please don't call the press.
好的 可以 All right, yes.
哦 不 不 这个不是我 这是... Oh, no. No, that's not me.That's...
好吧 写给谁? OK. Who to?
我把这个空白留给易趣好了 I'll just leave it blank for eBay.
我要在这儿待一会儿 你们真是好人 I'll be getting along in a moment.You've been very kind.
不过 如果你们有Hegg的地图 能借我... But if you had a map of Hegg I could possibly borrow...
哦 不行 不行 不 我不会 Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.No. No.
好吧 我可能有点生疏了 Well, I might be a bit rusty.
嗯 我最近专注于齐特琴 Yeah. I've been concentrating on the zither is the thing.
真美 Beautiful.
都听不见 Both deaf.
好的 再来一首 OK, one more. Yeah.
你好 Mairead 和 Caleb Hello, Mairead. Caleb.
今天天气挺暖和的 是吧？ Mild out, isn't it?
全球变暖啦 It's this global warming.
我听到我先生在吹风笛 I heard my husband playing the bagpipes.
说来话长 It's a long story.
-谢谢你 我正要回去找你 -真的? -Thank you. I was just coming back to find you. -Really?
是的 我们得离婚了 Yeah. We need to get divorced.
是 是啊 当然 Yes. Yes, of course.
我们要去找McDonagh牧师 他知道怎么做 We should go and find Reverend McDonagh. He'll know what to do.
好吧 别发疯 James和那个女孩 他们逃走了 OK, don't flip out, but James and that girl, they've escaped.
我们得问问本地线人了 We need local intelligence.
那个可怕的女人是谁？ Who's that awful woman?
我不知道他们去哪了 没人来过这儿 I don't know where any of them are.No one's been here.
是嘛 可我不相信你 Yeah, see, I just don't believe you.
你听着 他们现在可能在任何地方 Look, they could be anywhere by now.
但是我觉得你知道他们在哪 只要我出对价 But I think you know where they are. And I think for the right price,
你会告诉我的 you'll tell me.
我没卖你的婚礼的消息 我妈卖的 I didn't sell your wedding.My mum did.
-她快要死了 还对此有点生气 -我很抱歉 -She's dying and a bit pissed off about it. -Oh, I'm sorry.
她只是想在走之前看看这个世界 She just wants to see the world before she goes.
啊 看 到了我住的地方啦 Ah, look. It's my country residence.
快 快点 Quick, come on. Come on.
-我们到底是在哪儿? -这书里说是野生动物中心 -Where in God's name are we? -This book says it's a wildlife centre.
你就是个看不懂地图的女人吧 You're a bleeding woman with your map reading.
才不 是这本书 写的都不对 还这么重 No, it's the book. It's all wrong. It's so heavy.
这里有人吗？ Is somebody there?
你们这群侵犯者！侵犯者！ Incomers! Incomers!
不好意思 我们不知道这里有人住 Sorry, love. Didn't realise anyone lived here.
-我再帮你煎一只海鹦好了 -不 谢了 -I'll throw another puffin on the griddle for you. -No, thanks.
煎海鹦? 在星期五? Griddled puffin? On a Friday?
啊 我们第一个家 我们在一起会过得多开心! Ah, our first home. What a life we could have had.
是啊 走吧 Yeah. Come on.
你觉得McDonagh牧师可以帮我们离婚吗? So you think this Reverend McDonagh can help untangle us?
呃 我不记得他以前干过这个 Well, I can't recall going to him with a similar problem,
不过 对 他知道该怎么做 but, yes, he'll know what to do.
小岛应该都蕴含着一些故事吧 不是吗? There's something about islands, isn't there?
还是只是因为我来自小岛 Or is it just that I'm from one?
你说得对 小岛应该都有一些故事 No, there's something about islands.
可是这里只是Hegg And this is just Hegg.
是赫布里底群岛最平常的一个 We're the plain Jane of the Hebrides.
你应该看看巴拉岛它超美的 You should see Barra. It's stunning.
我喜欢这里 真是美极了 I like this one.It's beautiful.
巴拉岛:苏格兰西北部岛屿
我真希望我能早点来 I wish I'd come here sooner.
-离她远点 英格兰男人! -Angus -Stay away from her, Englishman! -Angus!
-四月先生? -你们到这里来 抢走我们的女人 -Mr April? -You come over here, taking our women.
你的女人? Angus 住手! Your women? Angus, don't!
跟我走吧 我从来没想过我还有机会和你在一起 Run away with me. I never thought I had a chance with you
直到你回来了 你...嫁给我吧 until you came back and then...Marry me.
你已经和Muireen结婚了 You are married to Muireen.
可是我不想和她在一起 But I don't want her.
我从来就不想 我一直只喜欢你 I never wanted her. I always wanted you.
可惜 你结婚了 她也结婚了 哦 杯具啊 Shame. You're married,she's married. Oh, what a tragedy.
她结婚了? 和谁? She's married? Who to?
和我 To me.
这是真的吗? Is that true?
好吧 那 我要和你决斗 Right, then. I'll fight you for her.
-不 -不 不 我不决斗 -No. -No, no. I don't fight.
我赢了 我拥有她 I win. I get to keep her.
Angus! Angus!
我想和你一起变老 你现在既美丽又聪明 I wanted to grow old with you. You're beautiful and clever now.
你现在是如此可爱 It's easy to love you now.
但是就算当风带走你的青春的时候 我依然爱你 But I'll still love you when the wind's dried you out.
可是当你老的时候 他会爱你吗? And when you're old and broken. Will he?
Angus 抱歉 回到Muireen身边吧 Angus, I'm sorry. Go back to Muireen.
你想清楚 她爱你 Sort it out. She loves you.
爱有回报时才更好 It's better when people love you back.
那你爱他吗? So do you love him?
-快起来 -我在这里挺好的 -Come on. -I'm all right here.
哇 真是太美了 Wow. It's just amazing.
我以前常常一个人来这儿 I used to come out here a lot,on my own.
刚刚结了5分钟的婚就要追其他女人吗? Only married 5 minutes and already chasing after another woman, eh?
为什么以前不先试试婚呢? Why not give this marriage a go first?
因为和他订婚的女人是Lara Tyler Because the woman he's engaged to is Lara Tyler.
她是个女明星 She's an actress.
她美丽出众 聪颖过人 She's ultra beautiful, mind-blowingly talented,
她是件珍稀的瑰宝 又谦虚 and rare, and fine, and modest,
慷慨 和善 做什么都很擅长 and generous, and nice,and brilliant at everything.
-但是他娶了你 -没错 -But he's married to you. -Exactly.
一个来自赫布里底外围群岛的 A mind-blowingly ordinary shop assistant
一无是处的售货员 有点失魂落魄的女人 from the Outer Hebrides. Bit of a comedown.
你不是一无是处 You're not ordinary.
她可以成为拿诺贝尔和平奖的环球小姐 She could be Miss Universe with a Nobel Peace Prize
她只是还没有遇到对的人 and she'd still be wrong for somebody.
婚礼就像日落时分 是个浪漫的时刻 Weddings are like sunsets. The romance of a moment.
婚姻就是大海 接纳夕阳投入她的怀抱 Marriage is the sea into which that red sun sets.
我们是阴差阳错地结了婚 We got married by mistake.
-这样的结合应该不会保证婚姻长久 -对 -Probably not the strongest basis for an enduring marriage. -No.
好吧 在很久以前 Then, in days past,
巴拉岛住着MacNeils 他们是巨大的黄色野兽 the MacNeils of Barra, huge ginger brutes they were,
他们穿过Minch海峡到Hegg来 偷我们的羊 would cross the Minch to Hegg to steal our sheep
顺便再抢个女孩做妻子 and snatch a wife at the same time.
但是如果我们在圆房之前要回新娘 But if we could reclaim the woman before consummation,
在Hegg的法律里 这结婚就不算数了 the marriage didn't count. It's still in Hegg law.
所以如果我们在天黑之前到达教堂湾 So if we can make it to Cathedral Cove before nightfall,
你和Tyler小姐的结合还是合法的 your licence with Miss Tyler would still be valid
之前的仪式也可以按计划进行 and the original ceremony could go ahead as planned.
如果你真想这么做的话 If that's what you really want.
离天黑还有多长时间? How long have we got before it gets dark?
差不多半小时 About half an hour.
上帝创造了时间 就给了你一段又一段 When God made time, he made plenty of it.
上帝创造了麻线 他给你了一团又一团 When God made twine,he made balls of it.
好吧 你们考虑一下 我准备点东西 Well, you think about it while I get my things ready.
哦 最后还要问一下 你们圆房了没有啊? Oh, one last thing. Has the marriage been consummated?
-没有 -我没时间啊 -No. -I just haven't had time.
当上帝创造了时间... When God made time...
有人吗? Hello?
Lara? Lara?
James? James?
-为什么她把我们带到这儿? -这是什么地方? -Why has she brought us here? - What is this place?
你怎么知道你什么时候能遇到对的人? How do you know when you've met 'the one'?
无论你什么时候看到他们 你会发现你自己在唱 Whenever you look at them, you find yourself singing
《你是我翅膀下的微风》 'You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings.'
这是你见到Lara时做的事吗? Is that what happens when you're with Lara?
他们调查了10,000个男人的理想伴侣 They asked 10,000 men to name their ideal partner
9800人选了Lara 根据数据 这还包括了 and 9,800 said Lara.Statistically that includes
最起码800个同性恋男 at least 800 gay men.
如果你是个男人 Lara Tyler对你感兴趣 If you're male and Lara Tyler's interested in you,
她就是对的人 she's the one,
这是一个准则 it's kind of a rule.
如果和Lara Tyler在一起都不能开心 If you can't be happy with Lara Tyler,
那你和谁在一起都开心不了 you can't be happy with anyone.
你们想好了? 因为在我看来你们很配啊 You are sure about this? Because you seem like a good match to me.
你 James Neil Arber把Katie Nic Aodh Do you, James Neil Arber,take Katie Nic Aodh
-认作是你的合法已婚妻子吗? -我不这么认为 -as your lawful wedded wife? -No, I do not.
你 Katie Nic Aodh把James Neil Arber And do you, Katie Nic Aodh,take James Neil Arber
认作是你的合法已婚丈夫吗? as your lawful wedded husband?
绝对不是 不是 谢谢 Absolutely not. No. Thank you.
我现在宣布 你们可以取下戒指 并交还给我 以示 I would ask if you would now remove and return your rings as a sign
你们并未结婚 that you are not married.
快跟上 我们得快点了 Follow soon. We need to hurry.
幸好我们没有牵扯到宠物领养的问题 Good thing there are no pets involved.
要不是因为我人生中最奇怪的一天 If I wasn't in the middle of the Atlantic
是在大西洋中间的一个小岛上度过的 after one of the strangest days of my life,
我也许... I'd...
James 等等 James, wait.
如果你发觉和Lara在一起不合适... If things don't work out with Lara...
我的意思是 她很完美 那是自然 I mean, she's perfect, obviously.
但是她让你止步不前 But she gives you block.
所以 你有可能不在那9800个人里面 So maybe you're not one of the 9,800.
那也不是没可能 对吧? That's not so impossible, is it?
因为那样你就可以 不用娶她了 Because then you could not marry her.
那你可以待在这儿 和我一起 Then you could stay here. With me.
我知道 I know.
你是想告诉我 我只是一章 This is where you tell me I'm just one chapter,
不是一整本书 not a whole book.
走吧 Go.
快走吧 Go.
伙计们! Lara Tyler不在城堡里 Guys! Lara's Tyler's not in the castle.
他们现在在闹鬼的厕所里结婚呐 They're getting married now in the haunted toilets.
这是当地特色 这边走! It's a local tradition. This way!
-你还好吗? -嗯 你呢? -还好 -You OK? -Yeah. You? -Yeah.
我 其实 不喜欢大型猫科动物纪录片 I don't really like big cat documentaries.
没关系 That's OK.
我们要想进行的话 就得快点 If we're going to do this, we'll have to be quick.
你想尝尝糖糖吗? 你想尝尝糖糖吗? Do you wanna taste the icing? Do you wanna taste the icing?
那是什么? What is that?
小宝贝 我可能看起来像个单纯的 爱做甜食 Now, sweetie, I may look like a simple, cake-baking,
小镇上的妈妈 但是我内心... small-town mom, but inside...
是个狩猎者 只要在南开罗莱纳州的土地上 I am a prize fighter,and I will not rest while there
还有一片这种贫铀废料的时候 is a single rod of depleted uranium anywhere
我就不会停止反抗 in South Carolina.
充满张力的表演 Powerful stuff there.
Lara Tyler主演的"荒废" 将在星期五播出 Lara Tyler in 'Depleted', out on Friday.
之前有你要退休的传闻 There had been rumours of retirement.
去年夏天我有点想过更安静的生活 Last summer I was maybe thinking of leading a more quiet life,
但是... but...
后来我遇到了一个勇敢的苏格兰女人 then I met this amazing Scottish woman.
即将走到生命的尽头 但从不抱怨 Terminally ill, never complained.
实际上 不 她抱怨过很多东西 Actually, no, she did complain about a lot of things.
我听说她最近去世了 I heard recently that she passed away.
但是在这之前 我帮她完成了环游世界的梦想 But I was able to help her fulfill her dream to travel the world.
谢谢你 Lara Thank you, Lara.
Hegg - 一个岛屿的历史 第二版 Hegg - An Island History, Second Edition.
Hegg是位于外赫布里底群岛最外围的 The Hegg is the furthermost drop of the outermost spray
卷曲浪花中的一滴 of the curling wave of the Outer Hebrides.
但是对那些有足够好奇心去探访她的人 But for those curious enough to take some time to discover her,
Hegg的峭壁 沼泽 草地 沙滩 Hegg's cliffs and moorlands, meadows and sandy beaches
已经准备好 超出你的想象 reveal her to be an island ready to exceed all expectations,
这是竖立在潮起潮落的赫布里底海中 a tiny rock of perfection
一片充满完美际遇的巨砾 jutting out of the restless Hebridean Sea.
这是James Arber的新书 比以前更好 更成熟了 This is James Arber's new book.Much better, more mature.
还只有一章 And only one chapter.
看 他把它献给了Lara Look. He dedicated it to Lara.
Katie 看你又要走了 真快 Katie, but you're leaving again,so soon.
导游书可不会给自己做宣传啊 Guidebooks don't write themselves.
但是我不会忘记那个带给我新突破的人 But I'll never forget who gave me my big break.
我只是来这儿打个招呼 我要走了 四点的船 I just came in to say hi and bye.I'm on the four o'clock boat.
我要搭去新德里的航班 再去新加坡 I've got a flight out to New Delhi and then onto Singapore.
到处走 找你更不容易了 对吗? Harder to hit a moving target, eh?
我早该想到那本该死的导游书会火起来 I should have known that bloody guidebook would take off.
太傻了 Idiot.
没有你生活会很不一样 Katie It's not the same without you, Katie.
再也不一样了 我们会想你的 我会想你的 Never was. We miss you. I miss you.
Katie过来 这个给你 There Katie, that's for you.
这是个新娘 带来好运 最后一个了 It's a bride. For luck. It's the last one.
-谢谢你 -这个1块5 -Thank you. -That'll be 1.50.
-你又要走了么 Katie? -我是这么打算的 -You off again, then, Katie? -I'm trying to.
她会回来的 虽然她爸爸是个旅行家 She'll be back.Her dad was a traveller,
她妈妈却很宅 but her mam was a 'stay-at-home'.
不 我觉得她不是 从她心里来说 No, I'm not sure she was, deep down.
我真得要... I really need to...
我打赌你是两种都有 I'll warrant you're a bit of both.
再见了 大家 Goodbye, all.
喂! Hallo!
嘿! 嘿! Hello! Hello.
-好久不见 -是啊 -Long time no see. -Yeah.
我还想着咱们俩的初次见面能更随意点 I was hoping for our first meeting to be a bit more casual.
你到这儿干嘛? What are you doing here?
我一直都想用什么办法引起你的注意 I've been trying to get your attention with conventional weapons,
-打个电话 发个邮件什么的 -我要走了 -phones, emails, that sort of thing. -I've been away.
是啊 你又要走了 你有没有读我的新书? Yeah, and you're leaving again.Did you not read my new book?
-没怎么读 没呢 -你真的应该读一下 -Not so much, no. -You really should have read it.
-Hegg图书协会给了它七星半 -七星半? -The Hegg Book Club gave it seven and a half. - Seven and a half?
对Hegg图书协会来说已经很慷慨了 That's generous for the Hegg Book Club.
他们说从第六页开始慢慢好看了 They said it picked up around page six.
-那你没看到献词对吗? -那是献给Lara的 -So you didn't see the dedication? -It's dedicated to Lara.
不 不是的! No! It's not!
不是的! It's not!
"献给我的妻子 一章也能成为一本书" "To my wife.A chapter can be a book."
这是什么意思 一章也可以成为一本书? What does he mean, a chapter can be a book?
我不知道 I don't know.
你们有没有传呼机? Have you got a radio?
他说要告诉你 他只和你结过婚 He said to tell you, the only person he ever wed was you.
不过他和Lara让媒体以为他们结婚了 But he and Lara let the press think they were married.
他没结婚? He's not married?
Katie 我们要不要回去? Katie, shall we go back?
你介意吗? Would you mind?
真不敢相信你竟然没有读我的书 I can't believe you didn't read my book.
我真的没什么心情去读 I couldn't really bring myself to.
嗯 我希望你能读 因为里面有个人 Well, I hope you will one day, because there's a character in there
让我想起了关于你的许多回忆 kind of reminds me a lot of you.
这本书写了一个男人 一个很傻很傻的男人 It's a book about a man, a really stupid man,
他做了一个很不好的选择 who makes a really bad decision,
然后失去了他生命中很重要的一个人 and how he loses somebody amazing from his life.
他开始意识到没有了她 And how he comes to realise he cannot continue in his life...
生活便无法继续 without her.
有人说过 要写你知道的东西 They say write about what you know.
所以 显然 我把它设立在西班牙内战的背景下 So, obviously, I set it against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War.
-那Lara怎么办? -她很好 -And Lara? -She's absolutely fine.
我们都认为我们不适合彼此 We agreed we weren't right for each other.
顺便说一下 我读了你那本旅行指南 很棒 By the way, I read your excellent guidebook.
是吗? Really?
真不好意思 新版里对你有点不太客气 How embarrassing. I've been quite rude about you in the new edition.
没事 我喜欢聪明的反击 Well, I love intelligent feedback.
你回Hegg是因为? And you're back on Hegg now because?
我正准备偷羊 没错 I'm on a sheep-stealing raid, yeah.
我想顺便再抢一个老婆 但是... I thought I might grab myself a woman at the same time, but...
主要 还是来偷羊的 Predominantly, it's a sheep-snatching thing.
要不要我帮你签个名? Do you want me to sign that for you?
你好啊 Hey.
你好 Hi.
我喜欢这幅 I like this one.
《今日明星》独家爆料：这会是Lara的新欢吗?
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